I thought that I had become jaded of the hypocrisies, criminality, and unabashed oddity of politics.
I watched, prior to voting for his opponent, Jessie Helms campaign for U.S. Senate, undeterred by a very public prior career as a racist scumbag. Many of us remember the photographs of Gary Hart‘s thighs being dried by Donna Rice aboard the Monkey Business. Talk about perspiring to high office! He was also running for President until then. Many more exotic episodes and escapades came (keep your mind out of the gutter, please!) and went under the forceful impetus of such luminaries as Bob Packwood, Bob Barr, Newt Gingrich, Eliot Spitzer, Jack Ryan (7 of 9‘s husband!), David Vitter, John ‘Now-I-Hate-His-Guts’ Edwards, and the Big Kahuna, Bill Clinton (without ever having sex, not even once!).
How could I not be jaded, given a litany of sins and shenanigans that cannot fit on this page? No – that was a misconception.
This is what has made me realize that I can still be shocked or amused by something in politics. Actually, I am both shocked AND amused. The Senator-elect of Massachusetts, Scott Brown, was a centerfold. Yeah, as in birthday-suit-wearing, smile-like-you-are-in-a-crowd-of-eligible-voters, boxers-or-briefs?-neither! total nudity, photographed professionally and printed on glossy paper for millions of lustful Cosmo girls to drool upon.
Hard for you to believe? Hey! Get This . . .
[ www.cosmopolitan.com/celebrity/news/scott-brown-nude-in-cosmo ].
This explains Brown’s willingness to make 60 campaign appearances while running for the Senate. The vicarious pleasure imparted to campaign audiences is an asset (keep your mind out of the gutter, please!) that cannot be manufactured by the most devious political consultant.
Don’t imagine that I am referring only to the women who ogle him. The complex dynamics of sexuality also include incentives for men. Merely accompanying a woman to a Brown rally will earn a hopeful male some you-gave-me-tease-you-good-sport pink-candy-trimmed points. The women and men share more than an overlapping space on a Venn diagram of pleasure. They (assuming that ‘they’ vote as they patronize) share common political attitudes and social values.
Family values has always been poorly defined, determined by an ethereal collective consciousness of True Believers. Their common heritage – derived from the utterly homogeneous venues of Catholicism, Protestantism, Judaism, Islam, racism, elitism, and even, for a few examples, atheism – insures that they always know what is meant by family values.
Folks such as me, who aren’t members of the club, must observe closely to infer a definition. My background as a Christian, Southern Baptist, Presbyterian, Lutheran, atheist, rationalist, scientist, inclusionist, offers few clues. Senator-elect Brown’s youthful artwork is thereby of considerable assistance. It is logical to integrate the concept of public nudity into my understanding of family values. It seems to have already been done by his loyal voters.