Senator-elect, prime select

I thought that I had become jaded of the hypocrisies, criminality, and unabashed oddity of politics.

I watched, prior to voting for his opponent, Jessie Helms campaign for U.S. Senate, undeterred by a very public prior career as a racist scumbag. Many of us remember the photographs of Gary Hart‘s thighs being dried by Donna Rice aboard the Monkey Business. Talk about perspiring to high office! He was also running for President until then. Many more exotic episodes and escapades came (keep your mind out of the gutter, please!) and went under the forceful impetus of such luminaries as Bob Packwood, Bob Barr, Newt Gingrich, Eliot Spitzer, Jack Ryan (7 of 9‘s husband!), David Vitter, John ‘Now-I-Hate-His-Guts’ Edwards, and the Big Kahuna, Bill Clinton (without ever having sex, not even once!).

How could I not be jaded, given a litany of sins and shenanigans that cannot fit on this page? No – that was a misconception.

This is what has made me realize that I can still be shocked or amused by something in politics. Actually, I am both shocked AND amused. The Senator-elect of Massachusetts, Scott Brown, was a centerfold. Yeah, as in birthday-suit-wearing, smile-like-you-are-in-a-crowd-of-eligible-voters, boxers-or-briefs?-neither! total nudity, photographed professionally and printed on glossy paper for millions of lustful Cosmo girls to drool upon.

Hard for you to believe? Hey! Get This . . .
[ www.cosmopolitan.com/celebrity/news/scott-brown-nude-in-cosmo ].

This explains Brown’s willingness to make 60 campaign appearances while running for the Senate. The vicarious pleasure imparted to campaign audiences is an asset (keep your mind out of the gutter, please!) that cannot be manufactured by the most devious political consultant.

Don’t imagine that I am referring only to the women who ogle him. The complex dynamics of sexuality also include incentives for men. Merely accompanying a woman to a Brown rally will earn a hopeful male some you-gave-me-tease-you-good-sport pink-candy-trimmed points. The women and men share more than an overlapping space on a Venn diagram of pleasure. They (assuming that ‘they’ vote as they patronize) share common political attitudes and social values.

Family values has always been poorly defined, determined by an ethereal collective consciousness of True Believers. Their common heritage – derived from the utterly homogeneous venues of Catholicism, Protestantism, Judaism, Islam, racism, elitism, and even, for a few examples, atheism – insures that they always know what is meant by family values.

Folks such as me, who aren’t members of the club, must observe closely to infer a definition. My background as a Christian, Southern Baptist, Presbyterian, Lutheran, atheist, rationalist, scientist, inclusionist, offers few clues. Senator-elect Brown’s youthful artwork is thereby of considerable assistance. It is logical to integrate the concept of public nudity into my understanding of family values. It seems to have already been done by his loyal voters.


3 Responses to “Senator-elect, prime select”

  1. 1 Jim
    January 28, 2010 at 7:32 pm

    Anson, we do have somewhat different standards for what constitutes a “good argument”. Even so, your suggested argument for Bush(es) is understandable.

    It is often noted that Europeans do not have the pre-occupation with personal mores that Americans exhibit. We (but, no!, not me) seem to actually enjoy scandals, if only for their similarity to episodes of the Jerry Springer Show.

    Most folks do not understand that much personal behavior by public figures (especially politicians) is still kept in confidence by their peers. The behavior does not become a public issue unless something blatant happens – examples: Rep. Wilbur Mills, with Fanne Foxe jumping into the Tidal Basin; and Sen. Larry Craig, doing a tap dance with an undercover vice officer.

    Conversion of personal behavior into offical and legal malfeasance is, as you describe, the nuclear energy of political scandal. The reason that we have a Constitution, laws, and corporate policies is that we must rely upon flawed individuals who may be very effective with such appropriate guidance and control. – Jim

  2. 2 ansonburlingame
    January 28, 2010 at 11:04 am

    I should have added to the last sentence above “or the womsn’s ability to stimulate it”

    Anson with my tongue stuck on my cheek.

  3. 3 ansonburlingame
    January 28, 2010 at 11:02 am


    Hmmm? So Family Values is on top or near it for your vote for a politican. That sounds like a good argument for Bush(es). Other than a brush with alcoholism, from which he evidently remains in recovery, but men seem to be good, honest men with great family values.

    Now go sell that one to any liberal, anti-war, anti-tortue (enhanced interrogation) zealot, not to mention Bush’s seemingly lack of concern for “little people”.

    Actually, I could care less if Clinton got whatever in the White House from Monica. Lying about it under oath is my objection. One is a moral flaw, the other is failure to comply with the law. Big difference in governing to me.

    Hart and Edwards got “caught” with their pants down during the campaign and see the consequences. But if both of them had been good “conservative” men of principle with questionable sex drives I would seriously consider voting in their favor. I put common sense in government and the ability to lead above private family values. I don’t discount the latter and if I see that it may affect their ability to govern, I have a choice to make.

    I suppose that is a “whole man (or woman)” approach rather than just focusing on at least the man’s smaller but still powerful “head”.


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